I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding my daughter since she was born, now nearly eleven weeks ago. To be honest, it’s been going pretty great for us from the start. She latched on perfectly from the minute she was born and still does. I’ve no problems with supply, had cracked nipples only for a few days. I can easily manage to express a bottle or so each day as well so daddy can feed her the odd time and I can get a few hours of every once in a while.
I love the bond nursing gives me with my newborn. It’s something truly special. However, while the mechanics of it worked well, from the start, I encountered some very strong negative emotions while feeding her. These were panicky feelings, emotions of longing somehow. I would almost describe them as homesickness, even though that doesn’t really make any sense!
These emotions never lasted long, only for the first few minutes of nursing. They were not always equally strong and they have lessened with time, although they have not fully disappeared. Of course, I felt awfully bad about feeling that way. I had a healthy baby, I love her more than life itself, she is thriving on my milk. It was always a passing thing, so it didn’t appear to be full blown post natal depression.
Then I found this article on Kelly Mom, a website and excellent resource dedicated to breastfeeding. It was such a revelation to learn that these emotions were actually a ‘real thing’. I had never heard of D-Mer, no one had mentioned it to me. I think it is a relatively unknown thing, so the midwifes and doctors are not familiar with it either. But it turns out that other women experience the same thing. It’s a recognised physiological (as opposed to phychological) response to milk letdown.
Knowing that I’m not just imagining things has actually made it much easier to deal with. I can now just accept it as something that will happen, wait for it to pass, and then enjoy nursing my daughter.
I am sharing this here in the hope that other mothers who’ve experienced the same thing might read it and feel better as well. This should be much more commonly known amongst healthcare professionals. It is a vicious circle. The women affected don’t speak about it, thinking that it is just them, which obviously means it remains a hidden phenomenon. Spread the word!
Reblogged this on detjordiska.
Thanks for posting this – I’d not heard of it and haven’t experienced it but it should be more widely known. I love Kellymon – such a font of info!
Thank you. Since I found out about it I’ve been bringing it up to others that I know that are breastfeeding or have done so in the past. None of them had heard of it, but at least one other had experienced it. It should be known, so that those that experience it can enjoy nursing without feeling guilty about these feelings.
I agree with you on Kellymom; it should be required reading for all breastfeeding mothers and those around them. I don’t think I would have made it as far as I have exclusively nursing my daughter had it not been for that website!
Pingback: Thoughts on breastfeeding my daughter and weaning « Cleio's Musings
Very interesting! I will have to read more on Kellymom. You know, I have never really thought about it because it is short-lived, happening only at the beginning of the feed when the milk lets in, but I have feelings of claustrophobia and a weight against my entire chest (almost like panic) and then after another 30 sec-1 min, it’s gone. I’ve never felt a negative emotion to it, but it sounds kind of similar to what you describe. I will definitely share both articles with my readers.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I’ve become a bit of a campaigner for the awareness of d-mer. So many women I’ve mentioned it to experienced it but were too embarrassed to talk about it. Mostly it goes away by itself anyway.
Every breastfeeding mother should be made aware that it is completely normal to have these emotions at letdown.